Chapter 46- The Positive Shield

             Over the few weeks of getting still picked on by my boss and feeling down, I’ve come to the realization of so much negative impact my boss has made in my life and personal well being. One day I decided that dwelling in this cloud of negativity is not going to help me. It’s time for me to think and be around positive people. Life is too short to be focusing all my energy and well being from this boss at my work.

            This is what I consider the positive shield. Keeps me positive with life, self esteem high, and remain as a human without being hardened by body armor. This is a new defense, one that works without changing personality or harming others. So far it has proven to be useful within my hostile work environment. My boss wants to feel in control of everyone and he would do anything it takes to obtain in. Threats, talk you down, embarrass you, you name it. He wants control, I’ll give him it. No matter how bad the situation is, I have control of whether to take it in or not. This shield does not allow the negativity to pierce into me. One day he made a big deal of a tiny mistake I had made. He yelled at me in front of other people and put on a mad face. He would make me feel like an idiot and that I did not know what I was doing. My confidence and self esteem crushed gives him control and power over me. How I react is what fuels him. So I can make him believe he got me inside, but I’m actually intact and have high morale.  In order to achieve this, the shield would be the way.

            Like all shields, they must be repaired or recharged after it takes a beating. So what happens when my shield is damaged? I look at all the positive things in my life and tell myself that I should not take in these petty things my boss is doing to me. When I reflect on how supportive and positive my friends are, I feel renewed strength and energy. The person whom I feel has been the most positive and caring person is the girl from my gaming group. In the darkest night, her warmth and light shines me a path and lights up my hope. The positive shield is operational once again as I face a new unknown day.

Chapter 39- Stress Out

             There are days I’m just so stressed out with so many tasks and issues. What do I do? I take a deep breath and think out each task and issue and prioritize them. For issues that affect my mental or physical well-being, I go take some rest, listen to music, exercise, play games, or talk it out with trusted people. For just tasks that stress me out, I prioritize them based on the things that I can handle without shutting down.

            Resting while listening to music helps me relax and think things clearly as I think and reflect. The calmness and clarity relieves most of the stress. When I exercise, whether it is to workout, bike ride, or dance, I find it a way to release my energy that stresses me out so that the tremendous amount of energy does not explode inside me. Playing games is another way of removing myself from the stress as my mind goes out to another world. Perhaps a world that I have more control of rather than the real world. I can also socialize with others and place myself in a carefree environment as I do what I want without any penalties or responsibilities. Finally, if it’s more of a mental or physical stress that’s going to affect my well-being, I find that talking it out and sharing it with others helps. I can get new insights and ideas as to how I can deal or manage my stress.

            Whenever I get stressed out, I use these techniques to manage it. However, there are days when I just can’t manage it or perhaps the only way to express it is to write in this memoir as I write and reflect on my own issues. I guess my goal to happiness includes kicking stress out in my life so that life would be easier and less things to worry about.