Chapter 39- Stress Out

             There are days I’m just so stressed out with so many tasks and issues. What do I do? I take a deep breath and think out each task and issue and prioritize them. For issues that affect my mental or physical well-being, I go take some rest, listen to music, exercise, play games, or talk it out with trusted people. For just tasks that stress me out, I prioritize them based on the things that I can handle without shutting down.

            Resting while listening to music helps me relax and think things clearly as I think and reflect. The calmness and clarity relieves most of the stress. When I exercise, whether it is to workout, bike ride, or dance, I find it a way to release my energy that stresses me out so that the tremendous amount of energy does not explode inside me. Playing games is another way of removing myself from the stress as my mind goes out to another world. Perhaps a world that I have more control of rather than the real world. I can also socialize with others and place myself in a carefree environment as I do what I want without any penalties or responsibilities. Finally, if it’s more of a mental or physical stress that’s going to affect my well-being, I find that talking it out and sharing it with others helps. I can get new insights and ideas as to how I can deal or manage my stress.

            Whenever I get stressed out, I use these techniques to manage it. However, there are days when I just can’t manage it or perhaps the only way to express it is to write in this memoir as I write and reflect on my own issues. I guess my goal to happiness includes kicking stress out in my life so that life would be easier and less things to worry about.

Chapter 37- The Race

             One of my friends once told me that I began the relationship game later than the others. Most of the people I know have begun this race in their high school years and are well ahead of me. With a sigh of hopelessness and despair, I began to regret. How can I finish to the top if I am the last? How can I find the strength to continue on this hopeless race? How long would this race be?

            As I reflected on my past to the present, maybe I was destined to be single. All by myself in this world. As I thought about it, my eyes began to tear. Perhaps I will never reach my goal to happiness. Perhaps all the fish in the sea are taken. Is there even a purpose that I’m here for in this world? I think to myself, that there must be at least a reason. Maybe I was born to fail so that others can learn from me through my memoirs.

            As I looked at my life, the girl from my gaming group was a big inspiration for giving me hope and positive thinking in a world of like this. In a world of chaos, disorganization, and unpredictability, she has been like a lighthouse guiding me to the right direction. To lose that light, I think I would be sailing through life blindly with no clear goals or purpose in life. From my reflection, she means a lot to me and I can never stress that enough.

            The race is a tough one, but maybe starting later is better. I can learn form the mistakes and errors made or the things that worked from the people ahead of me. I picked myself up from the ground and dusted off myself. I am going to finish the race no matter how many obstacles or how behind I am. If I have to crawl to the finish line, I will do that. I feel the strength of determination as I see the light and pass one obstacle. How many obstacles are left? I am not sure…

Chapter 36- The Mirror

            Sometimes I just take some time alone to reflect on the things I’ve done in life. Some good, some bad, but I focus on the bad so that I can learn from my mistakes. Being human, we ought to make mistakes. I have set a goal for continuous improvement to better myself as a person. Some reflections on the bad gives me regrets, while others I think about how I can fix or correct the errors or mistakes I made so that I can maintain my goodness.

            Looking back, I think I officially began reflecting after I had an incident during a conversation with the girl from my gaming group. I won’t comment on what occurred, but I will talk about the actions I began to take. That night after the incident, I was upset with what I had done to make her angry. I rested on my bed and thought about what I did. Whatever I did can’t be erased, but I have to make things right. I also came to the conclusion that I truly value the friendship that we have and that she means a lot to me. So if I don’t reflect and change on my faults, I would lose what we have and I will never forgive myself for what I’ve done. Perhaps I was too selfish. Perhaps I was too blunt in being honest. What I know was that it was my fault and I need to fix it. I want her to be happy, but I failed that day and made her angry. For mistakes like that, I am truly accountable for my actions. 

            I think that’s a major change I’ve done to my style of living. In depth reflection to see what worked well and what didn’t. How to correct mistakes and to prevent future occurrences from making me regret it later. Like a mirror, I need to look at myself and see who I am and what I want to be in this life. Therefore, this will be another task towards my goal of happiness.How

Chapter 35- The Crystal Ball

             I wonder about my future most of the time. Is it going to be better or worse the next day? Sometimes I wonder if I want to know my future, but I worry that I may not like it. Perhaps once I know the future, it will change because I have seen it.

            An example of how a future can change once I look into is if I get a fortune teller or psychic to tell my future. If I asked about my current career and how far I’d go and they said that my current job is only temporary, I would act a certain way. Because I was given a future, now I may begin looking for other jobs and lose interest and faith in my current job. If they said that I will stay in this job, I will think that I will have this job as a permanent position and perhaps be more focused at work. Basically, knowing the future will change a person’s attitude and the way they do things.

            Sometimes I want to know the future, but I think it ruins all the surprises you would have each day. Would it be better if I planned for a future instead of seeing the future? I think that’s another alternative. I can plan for what I want to have and what to occur, but not knowing if it works or not. That way, the future can’t change because I haven’t seen the future, but rather planned a route to a final destination. Instead of seeing if I will obtain happiness in my life, I would do the things that make me happy in order to achieve happiness whether or not I reach my goal in the future or not.

            The future, always changing and unpredictable. I guess that’s one of the mysteries in life. Perhaps the constant change is a good thing. Perhaps it’s a way of setting out someone’s fate and destiny. Or maybe the change is there just to screw you up so that you can learn from your own mistakes. I guess I will really never know…