Chapter 40- A Tribute for the Greater Good

             Sacrificing something is not easy to do. Whether or not it’s something that can’t be returned back, an item, or something priceless, a part of us wants to keep it with us. Sometimes a necessary sacrifice for something else is worth it. It’s almost like getting out of our comfort zone. Even though we are unsure of the possibilities of a sacrifice, we need to evaluate if the sacrifice is for a greater good and perhaps improve where you are at now.

            I think the biggest thing one could sacrifice is time. Time does not stop and wait for you. You are given a certain amount of time each day in your life. You can’t buy more time or sell your time. Therefore time is a big thing one can sacrifice because we all want to do the things that we want to do without our time being wasted. In my opinion, if I can make some time for something or someone by sacrificing other tasks or reprioritizing my tasks, it means that it means a lot to me. Then again, this is just my own personal views on sacrificing time for people or things.

            Sometimes a necessary sacrifice is for the greater good. An example would be canceling my own relaxing time to arrange a meeting with a friend to resolve misunderstandings and to repair the friendship. As you can see, the friendship priority would be higher than my relaxing time. The sacrifice of my relaxing time is worth it to fix a friendship that I want to last forever instead of an one hour relax time which may prove no use in the future. Although I’m removing my stress removal relax time, I value fixing a relationship more even if it stresses me out. I’ll just have to find another way or time to relieve my stress.

            If you think about it, some sacrifices are worth it, some sacrifices are worth it because if benefits you more if you see the big picture. Remember, sacrifices are determined by what means to you the most. If you see no value, then don’t make a sacrifice you’ll regret later.

Chapter 37- The Race

             One of my friends once told me that I began the relationship game later than the others. Most of the people I know have begun this race in their high school years and are well ahead of me. With a sigh of hopelessness and despair, I began to regret. How can I finish to the top if I am the last? How can I find the strength to continue on this hopeless race? How long would this race be?

            As I reflected on my past to the present, maybe I was destined to be single. All by myself in this world. As I thought about it, my eyes began to tear. Perhaps I will never reach my goal to happiness. Perhaps all the fish in the sea are taken. Is there even a purpose that I’m here for in this world? I think to myself, that there must be at least a reason. Maybe I was born to fail so that others can learn from me through my memoirs.

            As I looked at my life, the girl from my gaming group was a big inspiration for giving me hope and positive thinking in a world of like this. In a world of chaos, disorganization, and unpredictability, she has been like a lighthouse guiding me to the right direction. To lose that light, I think I would be sailing through life blindly with no clear goals or purpose in life. From my reflection, she means a lot to me and I can never stress that enough.

            The race is a tough one, but maybe starting later is better. I can learn form the mistakes and errors made or the things that worked from the people ahead of me. I picked myself up from the ground and dusted off myself. I am going to finish the race no matter how many obstacles or how behind I am. If I have to crawl to the finish line, I will do that. I feel the strength of determination as I see the light and pass one obstacle. How many obstacles are left? I am not sure…

Chapter 33- High School Regrets

             I look to the past years with sadness as I think about the things I didn’t do. My regrets on not making the most of my time during high school. It’s the time before I changed my personality in grade twelve that I regret making zero monumental and memorable moments. There’s probably a big list of things I would do if I could relive it again.

            One thing I would do would be to study harder and try to excel in all my subjects. When I look at my past graduation and my brother’s graduation, I question if only I knew about the awards and scholarships. I probably could have achieved it and went to a better post-secondary. I would also participate in more extracurricular activities to be more involved within my school and my community. It’s a shame I wasted my high school years not getting good marks to be accepted into well known universities. Right now I understand that education is important, but my high school grades can’t grant me the acceptance to a certain program. Like I said before, school should not accept people based on smartness, but rather the passion to learn.

            Another thing I would do would be to ask the girl that I liked since elementary school. Till now, I never knew if she liked me or not. Perhaps at that time, I should have been more social so that I could get to know people more and make long lasting friendships or relationships with people. I probably would have met someone if I was like that instead of being single and alone.

            Looking back, I think these were the biggest regrets in my life. I should have worked and studied in school like no tomorrow, participated in many extracurricular activities, and be more social and open myself to others. Just thinking about the potential possibilities and opportunities I missed makes me depressed and think how big of a failure I am.

            So what can I do now? I can’t turn back time nor stop it to redo what I regret not doing. I can only look forward to the unpredictable future and live life to the fullest each day. Do the things I enjoy and make me happy and hope that the positive in the present and the future can overwrite the regrettable past. No matter how hard I try to hide my past, it will still be there. So, I urge you to make the most of your life and do the things that matter most to you so you won’t live with regrets like I did.

Chapter 2- Facinating Creatures

 Girls, what can I say about them? Let’s make it into females in general. Over the months after my nineteenth birthday, I’ve come to the realization of understanding of how females play a role in the male’s life. I don’t want to be stereotypical, so I am just going to speak from my own opinion and perception. From my point of view, I’ll just be saying girls because it’s easier for me to say than female due to my age.

            From my own experience, I find that girls are the most interesting and fascinating living things on this planet. How a girl can complete and give a guy his desires is truly profound. Personally for me, my desires are to be cared and to feel like I matter in this world. Other people have other desires wanted from girls, but I am not one of them. I respect girls and appreciate their nurturing personality. A girl can make the fiercest of lions turn into a friendly sheep. Why is that? I believe it is our nature to need someone there to give us a second opinion, a second look, and a gentler way for the guys.

            From my story, I can tell how much I cherish hanging around people who care about me and who I care back. You see, between a guy and a girl, there is no competition. Rather, it’s simply the collaboration, unity, and understanding of each other. Take a minute to think about that. If everyone was like that, our lives would be harmonious and carefree. Reality? It is not that simple as it seems.

            So, what do I want in a girl? It’s quite simple. Someone who understands me, respects the way I am, and shows that they care about me. The girl from my post-secondary that helped me asked what I looked for in a girl. At first, it sounded like a hard thing to ask for, but when I told her my response. Isn’t that what everyone wants? That moment, the puzzles started to fit together. Everyone had the same standards. If so, why am I still single? Hence, I go and reflect at myself and start to tear up.

            Flashback to a day at work at my new job. There was a female coworker roughly in her mid thirties. We talked about girls and families. Eventually I asked if she had a family. She said if she doesn’t have a baby in four or five years, she won’t consider a kid as she would be too old. I asked her if she met the One and she talked about a time when she was in her twenties where she had an interest in a guy at work. Eventually she found out that the guy was in a relationship and all bets were off. I felt sad for her, but also worried for myself as well. Am I going to be like her as well? Am I going to be alone? With the streak of bad luck, is it even possible for me?

            Continuing on, I believe it would be beneficial if you had a sibling of the opposite gender. Same ideology applies as well. I only have a little brother who is a few years older than me. Because of his gender, he is not as caring and supportive as I would want from a sibling. He just simply does not care about me. Why I am saying that is because I had and experience once. Back when I just got over my crisis, I went back to visit my relatives. A cousin of mine, female, was currently in a relationship. One day we watched a movie with my cousins about a true love story in pursuing the girl of your dreams. From what I saw in the movie, the guy did not get the girl and had his regrets. After thinking about it, I became very emotional. Not sure to pretend to be strong and hide from reality. Should I talk about it? Who should I talk to?

            One night while I was sleeping over at my cousin’s house, I rested on the bed thinking if I should ask my cousin and talk about my issues. It took some courage, but the result was astonishing. We talked about the movie, how she met her boyfriend, and retold my crisis that occurred to me with the girl. We chatted for an hour and she listened. Then she gave me some advice and told me not to worry. This was the first time I had a supportive and caring relative. Someone who I could trust. Someone who I can rely.

            It is in my interpretation that girls are generally more supportive and caring. Although I did not receive a lot of love from my parents, I had built the craving for it. Because of the need, one who can provide the needs for me can win my loyalty and my love indefinitely just like the girl from post-secondary. However, she is in a relationship and it does not seem feasible. Sometimes I look up at the stars and wonder. Am I the only person feeling like this? Or am I in the wrong place at the wrong time? I try to not lose hope…