Chapter 37- The Race

             One of my friends once told me that I began the relationship game later than the others. Most of the people I know have begun this race in their high school years and are well ahead of me. With a sigh of hopelessness and despair, I began to regret. How can I finish to the top if I am the last? How can I find the strength to continue on this hopeless race? How long would this race be?

            As I reflected on my past to the present, maybe I was destined to be single. All by myself in this world. As I thought about it, my eyes began to tear. Perhaps I will never reach my goal to happiness. Perhaps all the fish in the sea are taken. Is there even a purpose that I’m here for in this world? I think to myself, that there must be at least a reason. Maybe I was born to fail so that others can learn from me through my memoirs.

            As I looked at my life, the girl from my gaming group was a big inspiration for giving me hope and positive thinking in a world of like this. In a world of chaos, disorganization, and unpredictability, she has been like a lighthouse guiding me to the right direction. To lose that light, I think I would be sailing through life blindly with no clear goals or purpose in life. From my reflection, she means a lot to me and I can never stress that enough.

            The race is a tough one, but maybe starting later is better. I can learn form the mistakes and errors made or the things that worked from the people ahead of me. I picked myself up from the ground and dusted off myself. I am going to finish the race no matter how many obstacles or how behind I am. If I have to crawl to the finish line, I will do that. I feel the strength of determination as I see the light and pass one obstacle. How many obstacles are left? I am not sure…

Chapter 30- Loneliness

             At some point in our lives, we were all lonely. It is our human nature to interact with others. There are days when I felt so alone and left out in this world. Days I question if I’ll find the One or not. I’m tired of being a lone wolf; I want a pack to join.

            One day at work, one coworker brought up the topic about loneliness. She stated that everyone feels alone some time even if you are married. At first, I disagreed on her point, but then I realized it was true after I asked another coworker of mine who was married. When she was asked the question about feeling alone, she did not answer and had a face that looked sad. She didn’t say anything, but I felt her message from her body language. After that day, I’ve began to question myself about the loneliness. Am I still going to be a lone wolf or should I find myself a pack to join?

            So far, I haven’t really heard people admit they are lonely. Perhaps it’s the body armor making them look strong. I can admit, I feel lonely. Life definitely looks better and fun when you do things together with people. People can have fun together with people. People can have fun together and go through obstacles together. If there is a problem, you won’t face it alone, but together as a team and solve the problem. No matter how bad a situation is, you’ll know that it is not just you who is facing it.

            I think I’ve been on the lonely path for quite some time. It’s time for me to get off that path and find a new one which is the path to happiness. In the pursuit to happiness, not being alone is a factor in my goal. There are lots of tiny factors that build towards my final destination of happiness. Even though one can never get rid of the loneliness, I still believe that being less alone on this planet would be a better day than before. At least I’m being less alone and alone bit by bit. Like a flower sitting alone in a field of grass, I wait for another flower to appear. Even though I have waited for years for a flower to grow within the field, I still carry on some hope to continue my journey to happiness.

Chapter 8- Writer's Block

             I sit down wondering what I should write about this time. I’m at the phase where every writer is blanked out writing their new topic. Since I can’t think about a specific topic, I will just write down some random things on my mind.

            One day heading to work commuting, I saw the kindness in people. There was an old lady who did not speak fluent English that got on a wrong train. One passenger tried to help her, but was not familiar with the train stations. He called out for help and then a man came. He told the lady which stops she should get off and transfer to which stations. The lady asked if he could show her the way. Unfortunately he was heading to work like I was. That moment in time, a woman approached the lady and told her she could ride back with her and show her the way. The lady thanked all of them for their help and the man replied that she reminded him of his mother. I was very touched by the act of kindness by three different strangers.

            There are days I compare my life with others because I want to have a feel what it is like in their shoes. Most of the time, I feel that there must be a way to make my life a little better than before. Avoid my problems or confront them? Or should I search for a new path? I think I’m trying my best to adjust a little part of my life to the pursuit of happiness. There are going to be many obstacles to prevent me from achieving it, but I think I must face it. Swim against the current unlike the others. Be different and autonomous.

             There are things that can’t be bought in life or it’s priceless. I think society thinks that when we marry people, you have to marry someone rich. That’s true if you are going to survive in the world, but would the person really see for who you are? I think that when you are going to begin a relationship, one must be searching for the things that are priceless and not quantitative. This is the ability to establish healthy and long-lasting relationships. I’ve heard about couple who have been together all their life. Reason? It was the love for each other for who they are inside no matter how bad the situation was in real life. They could battle down obstacles together even when splitting up seemed like a better choice. That is something I wish to have for each other in a relationship; the undefined love, care, and loyalty.