Chapter 41- Adapt to Change

             In the world that we live in, change is constantly occurring. Most of the changes affects our daily norms or just push us out of the comfort zone. Most of the times, we just have to adapt to survive in this harsh environment.

            One example would be my work environment. It is a fast-paced and hostile environment. Going to work without my body armor proved to be deadly for me. After a few weeks, I had to adapt to the environment to survive. I would put on my body armor before work and take it off after work. The first few days were hard to adjust, but after a continuous pattern, I’ve established it as a norm. I think this adaptation is good for my own mental and physical health as well as having a job. It may not seem like a good job, but it’s a stepping stone to my career.

            Another change that I had to adapt was the time when I resumed leadership position in my gaming group. There was a new chatting system and a new website for doing our business. Although I was unfamiliar with the system for the chat and the website, I adapted to the change and went along with it. This change allowed our gaming group to be more active, social, and more fun. The easy accessibility of that chat allowed us to know more about the other members and establish friendships.

            From my experience, change is constant. In order to thrive in this world, one must adapt and establish new norms. If we continue to stay within our comfort zone and don’t step out of it, we are behind and missing out of the potential opportunities. Take a leap of faith and walk forward to adapt to new changes as they occur in your life. It may seem like a bad choice in the beginning, but it’s worth it.

Chapter 35- The Crystal Ball

             I wonder about my future most of the time. Is it going to be better or worse the next day? Sometimes I wonder if I want to know my future, but I worry that I may not like it. Perhaps once I know the future, it will change because I have seen it.

            An example of how a future can change once I look into is if I get a fortune teller or psychic to tell my future. If I asked about my current career and how far I’d go and they said that my current job is only temporary, I would act a certain way. Because I was given a future, now I may begin looking for other jobs and lose interest and faith in my current job. If they said that I will stay in this job, I will think that I will have this job as a permanent position and perhaps be more focused at work. Basically, knowing the future will change a person’s attitude and the way they do things.

            Sometimes I want to know the future, but I think it ruins all the surprises you would have each day. Would it be better if I planned for a future instead of seeing the future? I think that’s another alternative. I can plan for what I want to have and what to occur, but not knowing if it works or not. That way, the future can’t change because I haven’t seen the future, but rather planned a route to a final destination. Instead of seeing if I will obtain happiness in my life, I would do the things that make me happy in order to achieve happiness whether or not I reach my goal in the future or not.

            The future, always changing and unpredictable. I guess that’s one of the mysteries in life. Perhaps the constant change is a good thing. Perhaps it’s a way of setting out someone’s fate and destiny. Or maybe the change is there just to screw you up so that you can learn from your own mistakes. I guess I will really never know…

Chapter 7- My Beliefs Questioned

            With tears in my eyes, I begin to wonder. If there is a greater being watching over me. The being we call as our god or gods, do they watch over me? It seems like out of the billions of people in the world, who am I worth at all to them to feel their love and their compassion for me? I am a nobody. I’ve been praying every night since grade eleven for the same things, but I never felt like they hear me. Sometimes, I get a little good luck, but the thing I want most importantly does not occur. What do I ask for? To be loved, liked, and respected.

            Sometimes my self esteem is at its lowest. I feel like my prayers were useless. If god saw my life or heard my prayers, he or she could at least give me a hand or the support I need. I see other people getting their love from god, yet I do not. There are days I question whether a greater being exists. Maybe that’s why I never get help or have my prayers answered. Do they exist? Are gods created so that we have a sense of hope, a sense of security, and a sense of something we can commonly believe in?

            I can give you some examples of my bad fortune. When I bought lotto tickets on my birthday for two draws straight, I did not win at all. When the third draw came out and I didn’t buy the ticket with the same numbers, I would have actually won ten dollars. I’m not asking for money to fall out of the sky, but I am simple showing you my bad luck. I look back at the time in secondary school when I asked my friend to help me out with the girl I like since elementary. That incident was most unfortunate and I felt there was a force at play. Another example was when I graduated post-secondary. A few of my classmates had already landed a job within one months of graduation. Some even before graduation. Is it my sheer bad luck?

            Everything happens for a reason. Do you believe that? Or is it one of those statements you hear to reassure yourself? Sometimes I think there is a force watching us. Sometimes I think they don’t exist at all. Perhaps there’s a reason I’m writing this memoir and showing it to the public to see. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see. Hopefully I can get something positive out of this.

            I once heard from somebody, whom I can’t recall, he said a phrase which was quite unique about our own god or gods. If you ask your god for something, does he or she give it to you or are you given an opportunity to get it by yourself? The way it is phrased can even make a non-believer a believer. Everyone has their own opinions and thoughts about their god. After all I have said in this memoir so far, you can imagine how I have doubts and little hope.

            Afterlife, what is it? A place where everyone goes after death? Or two places split between the good and the evil? Or none at all? I used to think a lot of what the afterlife would be. Questioned if my life would be better there than here in this world. During my crisis, I felt like there was nothing left for me in this world. But it was the kindness and care from the girl in my post-secondary that gave me a little faith in this world and that I should continue on and tell my tale.

            I hope that someone in this world would find this memoir useful and share it on with others. If you don’t find it useful or interesting at all, you’d probably wonder why I bother sharing at all. First, it’s better to talk it out and speak my mind. And second, memoirs are bigger than us.