UNSCDF Chapter 43- The Beginning of the End

Richmond, British Columbia, Canada
UNSC Richmond Outpost
August 4, 1999
2000 Local Time

Charlie saw the window open to the chat for Sarah and was immediately dazzled by her beautiful face and warm smile. Charlie didn’t know how to start the conversation off because he was nervous and excited to get back in contact with Sarah.

            “Hi Sarah.” Charlie typed thinking it would be best to start off with a simple greeting.

            Charlie sat at his computer patiently waiting for Sarah to reply. He had been patient for so long trying to get back in contact with her. Now, seeing Sarah has made him feel emotional and his heart flutter.

            “Hi Charlie.” Sarah typed back after a long period of time.

            “Oh my gosh, thank goodness you are safe. I’ve been worried sick about you.” Charlie replied speedily spilling out his heart.

             “Aw, that’s so sweet of you. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Sarah asked.

            “Yes it has. I’ve been working hard over here trying to find you.” Charlie answered.

            “Really?” Sarah was surprised.

            “Yes, no joke. I had to do a lot of missions to get my reputation and clearance just so I can find you.” Charlie typed quickly.

            “Oh, wow.” Sarah was amazed.

            “There were times that I nearly died or had given up hope, but you were my inspiration. My hope. My passion.” Charlie typed with shaky hands as he felt himself shake from the nervousness.

            Charlie waited for Sarah to reply, but got no response for more than five minutes. He figured that he might as well type out the poem he had written for her on his first mission.

            “Sarah, I want to show you a poem that I had written for you when I was cornered by zombies on top of a tower.” Charlie typed and pulled out his napkin from his pocket.

            Charlie unfolded the napkin and began to type. Some words had faded, but he knew exactly which words he had written in the poem. After a couple of minutes transcribing the poem, he hit “Enter”. He waited for a few minutes for Sarah to digest his poem and he stared at the monitor.

            “That’s…” Sarah replied.

            “I know I’m not the best poet or a good writer.” Charlie quickly added.

             “It’s fine. That’s very nice of you. It’s the thought that counts.” Sarah replied with a happy face.

            “Thanks.” Charlie smiled.

            “How’s the military life?” Sarah changed the subject.

            “The UNSC life is very dangerous and hard work. But, it’s all worth it for me just so I can see you. If I work here long enough, I’m going to Australia to meet you.” Charlie spoke his mind.

            “Oh…” Sarah typed.

            “Yes, I want to meet you in person. I love you Sarah.” Charlie typed as he felt his heart flutter and beat rapidly.

            “About that…” Sarah replied.

            “What?” Charlie asked shyly.

            “I don’t want to hurt you anymore.” Sarah typed slowly.

            “What’s wrong?” Charlie felt his chest tightening.

            “I don’t know how to tell you without hurting you.” Sarah put on a sad face.     

            “Go on, I’m sure it’s not that bad…” Charlie assured.

            “I’m in love with another man…I’m sorry.” Sarah blurted out.

            Charlie felt his heart sting as he read the words Sarah typed.

            “What…” Charlie typed with sadness.

            “I’m sorry.” Sarah replied.

            “There’s no chance is there?” Charlie typed with a sigh.

            “There isn’t. I’m married, Charlie. I’m really sorry.” Sarah typed back.

            “What?” Charlie squinted his eyes in sorrow.

            “Please don’t make it harder that it already is…” Sarah requested.

            “Okay Sarah…” Charlie tried to toughen up and lock up his emotions.

            “Thank you.” Sarah thanked.

            “Congratulations Sarah. I’m so happy for you. The very last thing I can do at this point is making you happy. If you are happy, I will be too.” Charlie typed with a grim face.

            “Thanks Charlie. I am happy…” Sarah replied.

            Deep down, Charlie was crumbling to pieces. Sarah was happy, but was he? The only thing he cared left on this forsaken planet was Sarah and she was married to another man. It hurt him very deep. Charlie joined the UNSC to find her and meet her, but it seems like all of that seemed impossible with the current situation.

            “Good.” Charlie replied with a forced smile.

            “You are a wonderful guy. I’m sure there are people out there.” Sarah typed with a happy face.

            “I don’t know if I can find someone like you…” Charlie felt a tear trickle down his cheek.

            “I’m sure there is.” Sarah reassured.

            “If there is, I’m sure I wouldn’t have the same feelings that I had for you because I’ve given a piece of my heart to you.” Charlie felt another tear trickle down his cheek.

            “Well, don’t stop looking for the One.” Sarah replied.

            Charlie couldn’t take it anymore. Tears that he’d been trying to hold had now begun to drip down his face. Sarah had felt like the One, but it seems that destiny had played its cards.

            “Charlie, I’ve got to go now. Accessing the network here is very limited.” Sarah typed.

            “Okay…I hope to see you soon.” Charlie typed quickly.

            “Yeah…” Sarah replied with uncertainty.

            “Always know that I will always love you regardless.” Charlie blurted out his broken heart’s content.

            Charlie sat uneasily on his chair looking at Sarah’s picture. He loved Sarah for who she was. It was not just the looks, but her soul. And that was the beauty.

            “Goodbye Charlie, may you live a happy and peaceful life.” Sarah typed her warm wishes.

            With that, Sarah went offline and left Charlie staring at her last message in deep thought. After processing the last message from Sarah in his mind, Charlie covered his face and weeped silently. Uncertain with the future ahead of him, he reached for his sidearm and pulled the pistol out of his holster. He looked at Sarah’s photo and smiled.

            “I don’t know if I’ll have a happy life without you.” Charlie mumbled as he studied his USP.

            Charlie placed the USP on his desk and sobbed as he laid his head on the desk. After twenty minutes of wallowing in despair, he lifted his head up as he heard a knock on his door. He quickly wiped his tears with his sleeve and reached to grab his pistol. Just as he lifted up the pistol, he saw Mary’s note.

            “Mary…” Charlie’s eyes widened with some hope.

            As much as it pains him after what he’d been through, Charlie felt a little hope flew back into him. There may be a chance for him in the darkest of times after all…

Chapter 35- The Crystal Ball

             I wonder about my future most of the time. Is it going to be better or worse the next day? Sometimes I wonder if I want to know my future, but I worry that I may not like it. Perhaps once I know the future, it will change because I have seen it.

            An example of how a future can change once I look into is if I get a fortune teller or psychic to tell my future. If I asked about my current career and how far I’d go and they said that my current job is only temporary, I would act a certain way. Because I was given a future, now I may begin looking for other jobs and lose interest and faith in my current job. If they said that I will stay in this job, I will think that I will have this job as a permanent position and perhaps be more focused at work. Basically, knowing the future will change a person’s attitude and the way they do things.

            Sometimes I want to know the future, but I think it ruins all the surprises you would have each day. Would it be better if I planned for a future instead of seeing the future? I think that’s another alternative. I can plan for what I want to have and what to occur, but not knowing if it works or not. That way, the future can’t change because I haven’t seen the future, but rather planned a route to a final destination. Instead of seeing if I will obtain happiness in my life, I would do the things that make me happy in order to achieve happiness whether or not I reach my goal in the future or not.

            The future, always changing and unpredictable. I guess that’s one of the mysteries in life. Perhaps the constant change is a good thing. Perhaps it’s a way of setting out someone’s fate and destiny. Or maybe the change is there just to screw you up so that you can learn from your own mistakes. I guess I will really never know…

Chapter 4- Gateway to Atlantis

            Utopia, our dreamland and our getaway from reality. What is it? Each and every one of us has an idealistic world. We all know real life is not that simple and carefree. Our minds want to go to a place that is. No matter how hard one tries, you can’t make the world perfect. Period.

            Many people find ways to create their own utopia. I have two ways of creating my utopia. One, I currently run a gaming clan. The other, I write stories. What does both of those have in common? They give me a sense of control for my life. You can call it a false hope. From the gaming utopia, I want to feel respected and cared about. It works. From the story writing, I want a sense of control in my life, my destiny, my fate, and my luck. It works. Still, once in a while reality pops by and slams you back to awake and alert status.

            If I could take the life currently written in my stories, I would. No second thought about it. With the current situation and my life I have, it is the better alternative. Perhaps when my life is better than the alternative, I would have achieved happiness and satisfaction for my life.

            Sometimes when I feel alone, I dream of a better place. A place where there are no troubles. A place where I find the One and spend so much precious time together. I find most love songs very touching for me. If I was a song writer and a good singer, I would dedicate a love song for the One. Or if it needs be and it means a lot to me, I would sing a popular love song no matter how bad of a singer I was. That’s my dream. Carefree and no judgment. Simple.

            I’m beginning to think that writing this memoir is another utopia for me because of the anonymity. The idea of spilling everything in my head with no repercussion makes me have a sense of freedom and control. Still, there will be a reality check and someone or something will bring over a cloud of negativity and rain it down on me.

            I find myself as an optimist. I used to always reassure myself with the problems and issues I had with my life. Day after day, those reality checks really do wear you down. It feels like your body armor could no longer take any more beatings and you start to lose your optimism. Maybe I used my share of good luck? Now it’s the time for the bad luck… When there’s a push, there will be a pull. Action reaction. Cause and effect ideology.

            They say the grass is greener on the other side. It’s true. I look at where I am and then imagine where I want to be. Indeed, the grass is greener. Sometimes I feel like there is a high barbed wire fence blocking me from entering the greener side. Sometimes you could smell it, taste it, and see it. Sad thing is, you can’t touch it and feel what it is like. Only my imagination can fill in the missing parts even though it is not fully accurate. People say you should face your problems and go through it. If not, around it. I find it impossible to go through the fence or around it as it seems endless in both directions. What can I do? I sit down dreaming what I could see myself doing on the other side and then look at where I am. Depressed and powerless.

Chapter 1- And so it Begins

Some days I think of giving up in finding the One. Other days, I choose to not think about it at all. I guess I’m too scared to face the problem. Truth be told, I never had a girlfriend or had the need for one. I was eighteen and nearing nineteen when it all changed for me.

Back when I was in elementary school, there were some girls, but I wasn’t really interested back then. The teasing you’d also get in elementary made it harder for me as well. You see, I wasn’t the popular kid in elementary or secondary school. I was shy around people. Introverted, others would call it. That grade twelve year back in 2010, I decided to look at myself and change my personality and attitude. I started to do more activities that allowed me to interact with others. Started a school club, joined yearbook, and did lots of community service.

            Went to post -secondary, continued with the new me, I was progressing better and becoming less socially awkward and had increased interpersonal skills. On the last term, I encountered a crisis in my life from a practice emergency tabletop exercise. I thought everything went downhill for me at that point, but there was a girl in my class who showed that she cared for me. She paid extra time with me to help me through my crisis. Personal time which I spent too much and relied upon. At the time, I was hopeless, but she showed me that she cared and which is what touched me so deeply. This new feeling made me feel warm and fuzzy and brought me more dependent on her. Eventually, I took too much of her time and she started to push me away and ask others to help my crisis. I was upset, confused, and not to mention scared. Who shall I share my own issues with now? Who would care?

            One classmate suggested I talk to my instructor. It helped a bit, but it was not as strong of a connection I’ve made with the girl. Another classmate took me to counseling services. Talked for a while and got referred a book to help me cope. The book was helpful and all, but I could still not break the feeling I got for this girl. At this point, you’d probably wonder why I haven’t asked her out because she seems like a nice girl. Reason? She already has a boyfriend and they have a good connection already. This girl has helped me through a monumental moment in my life when I turned nineteen and helped me through my crisis. My loyalty and care are with her as I feel indebted to her. Because of my own ethics, I have chosen the step not to ask her out because she’s in a relationship. If she’s happy, then I’m happy for her. I ask myself if I should keep searching for the One or wait for her. I decided to do both, keep on searching and wait at the same time. Like I said, I am 100% loyal towards her, but I can’t keep myself waiting because I crave the feeling.

            After graduation, I decided to look for a job related to my field of study. I know both me and her were on the lookout for jobs. I got a job and then I decided to refer her into my organization. Helped her send in a cover letter and resume as well as some paperwork on my end. I knew she was still searching for a job, but I felt compelled to help her back. She was so close to getting the job; HR already contacted her for an interview, but it was conflicting with another job offer she got. A job which was closer to her home, good pay, and steady hours. She chose the other job and gave her appreciation for my efforts. I’m not usually a believer in fate, but at that pointing time, I was starting to feel like there was something stopping me and her from getting together. If it doesn’t work out, I still hope we can be good friends. I am pretty happy and fully of confidence when I contact her once in a while on Facebook, but I start to think the opportunities diminish over time.

            Continuing on with my life, wondering if I can ever meet another person like her. When I got my new job, I met some girls whom I did training together. Because I still had my great interpersonal skills, I was able to become friends with all of them. One girl stood out the most to me. Same age, same birthplace, and same birth month, I could relate most things with easily. Here’s the stunner again, she has a boyfriend. Why is it every time when I see someone interesting, they are already taken? Fate? Destiny? Nonetheless, I try to continue our friendship. One day she asked me a surprising unpredictable question. Was I gay? What the heck did I do to get that statement? To my surprise other female coworkers where thinking about that as well. Reason for question? I was neat, organized, and loved to chat. So apparently these characteristics made them think I was gay. So I spoke very straightforward that I was not gay. The girl and another girl who seemed nice that also had a boyfriend as well blurted out that I should get a girlfriend. If only if it was that easy…

            The following week, I started to get more and more hopeless. My old friends in high school, both grade elevens, have a girlfriend. I don’t even have one during high school. Flashback to my grade eleven year. There was this girl that I liked very much since grade seven, but I was shy. This was before I had my personality change. A friend of mine offered to help me and her get together. I was unsure, but gave it a try. Not sure if it was bad luck, fate, or a bad friend; the guy went out with her after a few months. To this day, I can only look at how foolish I was and got over it. This girl was not as caring as the other girl who helped me through my crisis. Moving on to the present, one guy who games with me grade nine also got a girlfriend recently. Although we’ve never met, but it seems that I seem to notice it more and more now. A few weeks later after chatting with him, a girl from our gaming group openly said that she had a boyfriend. Same grade, but located on the opposite site of the planet; I’m starting to question myself. Am I going to be single forever? There are a lot of girls out there, but why is it me with the streak of bad luck? Why me?