Chapter 27- The Captain's Logbook

             We all have a list of the good and bad things of what people do to us. No matter how hard you try to erase it, it will leave an imprint. An example is a clean sheet of paper, when you start writing on it, there are words imprinted on it. If you try to erase it with an eraser, there will always be smudges or dents on the paper. It will never be the same clean sheet of paper you had originally. The point is, no matter how big or how small an impact a person makes in your life, the imprint lasts forever.

            Here’s the question for you to think about. Do you want a sheet full of good imprints or a sheet of bad imprints? In my opinion, I would say all of us want to have good imprints. In order to get more positive things down into our books, you have to be around the positive and supportive people around you. Don’t stand under the cloud of negativity, stand where the sun shines and the skies are clear. To maintain around the positive people, you also need to be positive and supportive. Same ideology applies, why would a positive person hang out with a negative person? If you are in the same boat, its means everyone is headed down the same path and goal.

            For example, people who always disappoint me in my life rarely have my respect and trust. If they always let me down, why should I be near or be associated with them? Once in a while if someone left a bad imprint, I tend to give them a second chance depending on the circumstances. I am considered to be more forgiving than others. However, if you take advantage of it, you’ll lose my respect and kindness towards you.

What the message in this chapter is telling you is to be nice and positive to the people around you. Similar values and characteristics attract certain people. Like attracts like. It’s like a mirror if you think about it. Whatever you do, make sure you leave a positive imprint in someone’s life and not a negative one. If that’s achieved, the world would be a better place than before and everyone will have a sheet of paper without dark black smudges on it.

Chapter 14- Two-Headed Snake

             There are people in this world that can be nice to you, but secretly talking bad things behind your back. They may seem like your friend, but actually is your enemy without you even knowing it. These people are considered very dangerous since they are crossing you without showing you that they are secretly betraying your trust.

            A perfect example of a two-headed snake would be the friend from secondary school who went out with the girl I like. He gained my trust and I told him who I liked. Thinking he was going to help me, he went out with the girl instead. Also, there are also other people whom I consider to be double-sided. These people are very hard to find, it’s usually after what they have done when you actually find out they were doing things behind your back.

            In my workplace, I find that there are usually one or two people who are like that. Not sure if it’s their own personality or if they are influenced by their leader. One coworker of mine likes to gossip and talk negative things about other coworkers. So basically people form negative feelings towards the coworker without actually forming their own views of the person. I find it very dangerous interacting with people because impressions are based upon gossip. You may have a person disliking you before you actually meet them.

            So how do you deal with these kinds of people? From my experience, always be good to them. Never tell them your weaknesses or secrets because that’s their basis for gossip. Like a snake, confront them starting with its tail. Don’t directly point out that they are wrong or they will bite back hard when you least expect it. If you don’t want trouble, stay away from them as you would when seeing a predator.

            I consider myself one-sided because I believe in being who I am. I am who I am, so I am not going to make you my friend or enemy if it’s not your choice. If I have a problem with you, I will tell you first. I won’t go behind your back and spread bad things about you because it’s not who I am. This is all part of the human interaction we do daily in our lives.

Chapter 4- Gateway to Atlantis

            Utopia, our dreamland and our getaway from reality. What is it? Each and every one of us has an idealistic world. We all know real life is not that simple and carefree. Our minds want to go to a place that is. No matter how hard one tries, you can’t make the world perfect. Period.

            Many people find ways to create their own utopia. I have two ways of creating my utopia. One, I currently run a gaming clan. The other, I write stories. What does both of those have in common? They give me a sense of control for my life. You can call it a false hope. From the gaming utopia, I want to feel respected and cared about. It works. From the story writing, I want a sense of control in my life, my destiny, my fate, and my luck. It works. Still, once in a while reality pops by and slams you back to awake and alert status.

            If I could take the life currently written in my stories, I would. No second thought about it. With the current situation and my life I have, it is the better alternative. Perhaps when my life is better than the alternative, I would have achieved happiness and satisfaction for my life.

            Sometimes when I feel alone, I dream of a better place. A place where there are no troubles. A place where I find the One and spend so much precious time together. I find most love songs very touching for me. If I was a song writer and a good singer, I would dedicate a love song for the One. Or if it needs be and it means a lot to me, I would sing a popular love song no matter how bad of a singer I was. That’s my dream. Carefree and no judgment. Simple.

            I’m beginning to think that writing this memoir is another utopia for me because of the anonymity. The idea of spilling everything in my head with no repercussion makes me have a sense of freedom and control. Still, there will be a reality check and someone or something will bring over a cloud of negativity and rain it down on me.

            I find myself as an optimist. I used to always reassure myself with the problems and issues I had with my life. Day after day, those reality checks really do wear you down. It feels like your body armor could no longer take any more beatings and you start to lose your optimism. Maybe I used my share of good luck? Now it’s the time for the bad luck… When there’s a push, there will be a pull. Action reaction. Cause and effect ideology.

            They say the grass is greener on the other side. It’s true. I look at where I am and then imagine where I want to be. Indeed, the grass is greener. Sometimes I feel like there is a high barbed wire fence blocking me from entering the greener side. Sometimes you could smell it, taste it, and see it. Sad thing is, you can’t touch it and feel what it is like. Only my imagination can fill in the missing parts even though it is not fully accurate. People say you should face your problems and go through it. If not, around it. I find it impossible to go through the fence or around it as it seems endless in both directions. What can I do? I sit down dreaming what I could see myself doing on the other side and then look at where I am. Depressed and powerless.