Chapter 1- And so it Begins

Some days I think of giving up in finding the One. Other days, I choose to not think about it at all. I guess I’m too scared to face the problem. Truth be told, I never had a girlfriend or had the need for one. I was eighteen and nearing nineteen when it all changed for me.

Back when I was in elementary school, there were some girls, but I wasn’t really interested back then. The teasing you’d also get in elementary made it harder for me as well. You see, I wasn’t the popular kid in elementary or secondary school. I was shy around people. Introverted, others would call it. That grade twelve year back in 2010, I decided to look at myself and change my personality and attitude. I started to do more activities that allowed me to interact with others. Started a school club, joined yearbook, and did lots of community service.

            Went to post -secondary, continued with the new me, I was progressing better and becoming less socially awkward and had increased interpersonal skills. On the last term, I encountered a crisis in my life from a practice emergency tabletop exercise. I thought everything went downhill for me at that point, but there was a girl in my class who showed that she cared for me. She paid extra time with me to help me through my crisis. Personal time which I spent too much and relied upon. At the time, I was hopeless, but she showed me that she cared and which is what touched me so deeply. This new feeling made me feel warm and fuzzy and brought me more dependent on her. Eventually, I took too much of her time and she started to push me away and ask others to help my crisis. I was upset, confused, and not to mention scared. Who shall I share my own issues with now? Who would care?

            One classmate suggested I talk to my instructor. It helped a bit, but it was not as strong of a connection I’ve made with the girl. Another classmate took me to counseling services. Talked for a while and got referred a book to help me cope. The book was helpful and all, but I could still not break the feeling I got for this girl. At this point, you’d probably wonder why I haven’t asked her out because she seems like a nice girl. Reason? She already has a boyfriend and they have a good connection already. This girl has helped me through a monumental moment in my life when I turned nineteen and helped me through my crisis. My loyalty and care are with her as I feel indebted to her. Because of my own ethics, I have chosen the step not to ask her out because she’s in a relationship. If she’s happy, then I’m happy for her. I ask myself if I should keep searching for the One or wait for her. I decided to do both, keep on searching and wait at the same time. Like I said, I am 100% loyal towards her, but I can’t keep myself waiting because I crave the feeling.

            After graduation, I decided to look for a job related to my field of study. I know both me and her were on the lookout for jobs. I got a job and then I decided to refer her into my organization. Helped her send in a cover letter and resume as well as some paperwork on my end. I knew she was still searching for a job, but I felt compelled to help her back. She was so close to getting the job; HR already contacted her for an interview, but it was conflicting with another job offer she got. A job which was closer to her home, good pay, and steady hours. She chose the other job and gave her appreciation for my efforts. I’m not usually a believer in fate, but at that pointing time, I was starting to feel like there was something stopping me and her from getting together. If it doesn’t work out, I still hope we can be good friends. I am pretty happy and fully of confidence when I contact her once in a while on Facebook, but I start to think the opportunities diminish over time.

            Continuing on with my life, wondering if I can ever meet another person like her. When I got my new job, I met some girls whom I did training together. Because I still had my great interpersonal skills, I was able to become friends with all of them. One girl stood out the most to me. Same age, same birthplace, and same birth month, I could relate most things with easily. Here’s the stunner again, she has a boyfriend. Why is it every time when I see someone interesting, they are already taken? Fate? Destiny? Nonetheless, I try to continue our friendship. One day she asked me a surprising unpredictable question. Was I gay? What the heck did I do to get that statement? To my surprise other female coworkers where thinking about that as well. Reason for question? I was neat, organized, and loved to chat. So apparently these characteristics made them think I was gay. So I spoke very straightforward that I was not gay. The girl and another girl who seemed nice that also had a boyfriend as well blurted out that I should get a girlfriend. If only if it was that easy…

            The following week, I started to get more and more hopeless. My old friends in high school, both grade elevens, have a girlfriend. I don’t even have one during high school. Flashback to my grade eleven year. There was this girl that I liked very much since grade seven, but I was shy. This was before I had my personality change. A friend of mine offered to help me and her get together. I was unsure, but gave it a try. Not sure if it was bad luck, fate, or a bad friend; the guy went out with her after a few months. To this day, I can only look at how foolish I was and got over it. This girl was not as caring as the other girl who helped me through my crisis. Moving on to the present, one guy who games with me grade nine also got a girlfriend recently. Although we’ve never met, but it seems that I seem to notice it more and more now. A few weeks later after chatting with him, a girl from our gaming group openly said that she had a boyfriend. Same grade, but located on the opposite site of the planet; I’m starting to question myself. Am I going to be single forever? There are a lot of girls out there, but why is it me with the streak of bad luck? Why me?