The Silent Disease (A Short Story)

            It’s neither an infection nor a gene; in fact, it’s a disease. Let’s face it…it’s not going to go away. You can hide as much as you want, run as far as you can, or lie to yourself, but it is always there. Once you have caught the disease, it forever changes you for the remainder of your life. You are no longer yourself or in control of your thoughts, actions, and emotions.

            Your mentality is screwed up and you feel alone. Everyone is out to get you, trick you, defame you, and belittle you. That’s just the beginning of the symptoms because there’s more. Not only do you feel a strong hatred for the world, you start to hate yourself, your existence, and your whole meaning of living.

How did it start? How did it spread? How did you get to here? So many questions to ask, but no one is there to answer them. The world is cruel and is not a place for the weaklings to thrive. You are a nobody and nobody cares about you. Let’s face it, if you disappeared off this planet for a day, a week, a month, or ever forever, the world still turns with or without you.

The first signs of the disease start somewhere internally. Not your organs or your insides, but as in your psyche. You feel the sense of loneliness after you contract the disease. And in that time frame of your loneliness, you have deep reflections and think about everything. Things on why this is happening because you have no idea what’s going on. You are afraid to seek help because it’s a sign of weakness and that’s not allowed our society. Only the strongest and fiercest survive and by going for help, you know you will get torn to shreds. So you keep quiet and tuck all of it into the deepest darkest corner of your mind. Pretend it never happened and that you are okay, but in fact you are not.

Next, the disease evolves to the next stage where you start to feel alone and in a state of denial. That loneliness has turned to make you think that no one is there to help you or cares enough anymore to help. So you decide to seek help, but you meet the wrong people. There are the two groups of people that you find which are practically of no use and causes more distress. They are the ones that exploit your cries for help and laugh at you and the ones who help in the beginning, but later leave you stranded by yourself. Now, you tell yourself that everyone out there is nothing but trouble and more pain for you.

From that stage, you begin to shut away from everyone you know and everyone you see. You can’t trust them because you’ve been hurt and left for the wolves to finish you off. It’s understandable because our mind is protecting ourselves from the unnecessary pain. But that pain intensifies and disconnects you more from our world. Trust no one, everyone is there to hurt you, and you are alone. Those three simple mindsets strengthen the disease and you start to lose control. You begin to think of the uncertainties of living. Is there a god? Is it fate? What’s after our lives?

It’s natural you start to think like this because you want to get away from this desolate place where you are uninvited. You question your purpose in life, why you were born, why you are being treated like this, but it’s not helping. So you resort to religion or even pick up religion along the way hoping that if there was somebody out there protecting us, watching us, and guiding us, they would come and hear your cries of help. You pray and wish things to get better and go back to how they were before the disease, but you never get heard. All the tears you cried for help praying begin to take its toll on you. You realize that perhaps there is no god to aid us and that fate never really existed. As a result, you decide to make your own destiny by thinking about the afterlife. Can you start over? Will you be in someplace better? Will there be peace in the end?

The final stages of the disease are beginning to develop as you consider taking control of your life. Of all the things that you try to create to make your life better, it’s not working. The only way you have control is how you die and put an end to all of it. A getaway from the living hell and you are not afraid. You know there is no god to aid us, nor heaven or hell to go to. By now, you are certain of one thing. No one is going to miss you if you are gone. Oh yes, they might be sad for a few days…weeks if you are lucky, but in the end, they still carry on with their lives. They’ll forget you sooner or later like everyone. Suddenly, you think about the people who have taken control of their lives and saw the media attention they received after. And that’s when people finally care and decide to make a difference in their community. Every now and then, people forget about why people took control. And every now and then, we see the media hungry for this kind of sad twisted news like vultures circling a deceased corpse. That’s when people decided it mattered to them. At least you started something after you took control. At least you made a difference, but not for long because people always forget the fallen and the causes.

Depression is a disease and it spreads fast within you and to others. Once you contract it, don’t underestimate what it can do to you.

Chapter 34- Splitting the Tree

             Although, I do not come from a life of divorced parents, I find that people who have been through a divorce, husband, wife, son, or daughter have been through a lot. Some may benefit from this experience while most of the time I’ve witnessed result in some damage to the person.

            Divorces were not common back when I was still young. Nowadays, it seems like a divorce is perfectly fine. It’s interesting how society can change in just a few years. I’m sure that part of the marriage vows was indicating staying together for the better or the worse. Now, it’s all about oneself and not caring about the others. It is usually the kids that are affected the most from divorces. However, adults can be affected as well and I know this from meeting some people in my life.

            Remember my boss at work? I learned from my coworkers that he was married before and then got divorced. I don’t know what the reason was, but all I knew was that he rarely gets to see his son after the divorce. Perhaps that’s why he was picking on me. Maybe he’s going through some tough times and nobody was there for him. I can imagine how hard it must be to love someone so dearly, have a son, and later be divorced and now you can’t see your son. It’s pretty upsetting and depressing because when you found the One and marry her, she doesn’t love you anymore after a couple years.

            In a marriage to work, the essential keys are communications and trust. No matter how hard the situation can be, both must solve it together as a team. It is from the teamwork that the love still bonds. Also, one must trust the partner and never give up. If you trusted the person long enough to marry them, why let go of that trust when one slight change occurs? Clear communications are essential for common understanding of each other in order to maintain mutual trust and respect for each other. It is these two key components that make the magic work. That makes the love strong and unswerving.

Chapter 28- A Hidden Talent

 All of us have some sort of talent that we don’t know about. The hard part is identifying what exactly it is. Till now, I still don’t really know what hidden talent is. Although it may be my interpersonal skills, but I feel everyone has that skill and it makes the talent too general. I believe our hidden talent defines us and makes each and every one of us unique.

            Even though I can’t identify my talent, I can see talent in others. Perhaps others can identify my talent. For example, I had a classmate who knew everything about planes. Ask him what type it is or what airline it belongs to, he would tell you. Another person was from my gaming group; he would be the first person to complete assignments and was considered to be top of the class. So, one person who knows about airplanes and the other who is a straight shooter and gets the job done.

            Each and every body has a talent. Some talents may have a positive impact and others may have a negative impact. For example, if a person has a talent in debating, he or she would be considered positive if he or she is on your side. What if they aren’t? They’ll probably be stubborn and confident on their side that they forgot to take a step back and see each other’s views. Another example would be someone who is a professional gamer. They excel in the gaming world, but what happens in the real world? In reality, things are a lot different so it may impact them negatively. Whatever talent we may have, there are always two sides to it. Because of a strength, there will be a weakness. In a positive, there will be a negative to balance it.

            Till now, I am searching what I’m good at. What’s my purpose here in this world and I can contribute to society. Perhaps one day I will find out or perhaps I will never find out. No matter what happens, I will put it with my goals in life to search and find my hidden talent. Perhaps it is a journey with no ending.

Chapter 17- My Readers

             I am very thankful for you not walking away and continuing to read my stories. Your support in me has been greatly appreciated as I continue on to write more chapters.

            This chapter is dedicated to my readers who’ve shown me that people out there still care. That in this reality, out of the negative, there is a positive. You know who you are. I hope that some of these chapters may be similar in your lives so that you and I know that we are not alone. If none of the chapters relate to you, that’s fine. Perhaps you are living the dream.

            We all have our goals in this life. Some different and some the same. No matter what our goal is, we try to achieve it. Sometimes it is the impossible, but does that mean we should give up? If you are not going to pursue it, you will never know if you will achieve it. My goal is the pursuit of happiness. It’s a direction, but all the little things build up towards the goal of happiness.

            I hope you will share these stories to the world to see. Show your friends, families, or even strangers. Your network will not know who exactly I am, but they will know that I’m a person telling my stories during a tough time in my life. This is the reason why I am still anonymous at this point. I want others to read and relate if possible while not being judgmental of who I am, what I do, and where I come from. In the society we live, there will always be some hate speech, but the intensity of the hate will be lessened since it’s not directed at me due to my anonymity.

            So, share my stories with others. Let us help each other out. If you don’t want to share, I respect your decision. I would like to thank you for keeping up with me till now and I hope that you will continue to read my following chapters. Thank you for your kindness.

Chapter 16- The Good Old Days

             Nostalgia, we all have our own moments that we all want to relive again. Was it hanging out with your friends? Meeting the One? First kiss? Living carefree? The things we cherish the most happens once. No matter how hard we try to recreate it, it will never be the same. There are too many variables from reality that prevent it from being the same. So what do we do? We store it into memory and set it as our standard to achieving happiness.

            What was a moment I cherish from the past? I think for a second and conclude that it was the time I felt like a somebody in this cold harsh world. The feeling of acceptance and care for me in this world. I cherish it and hope to relive it. Perhaps encounter a new moment that exceeds my standards. I am sure that everyone wants to be accepted into society for who they are, but I am merely assuming. Others cherish the time when they were rich, powerful, or perhaps just peaceful.

            No matter what our nostalgic days were, we all put in an effort to make our days better. But do we remember about others in our pursuit to relive the past? Do we drag them along to our road to nostalgia and bring forth a road of despair for them? We have to respect others as well. Hence our nostalgic days will never be exactly the way it was. People grow older, people change, but one thing that doesn’t change is the interaction amongst each other.

            You’ll find I keep talking about respect and tolerance for each other. I guess I cherish for my childhood where everyone was friends with everyone. The laughter of children on the playground. The carefree looks on each child’s dace. The days you could do anything you like and not do real work. Sad to say, people grow old and are introduced to the real world. It is the biggest change for us as we adapt to survive in this unforgiving world.

            What else do I cherish? I cherish the freedom that I once had. Playing with friends at their houses. Biking on a hot summer day to hang out. Sitting down by the dyke smelling the salted air followed by a cool gentle breeze. Running a school club and making new friends. Watching movies for a full day without work. The list goes on endlessly as I pour out my memories.

            The thing I cherish the most was obtaining the care and attention I received from the girl during post-secondary. That warm fuzzy feeling in my heart that changed who I am. That made me feel and open myself. That gave me the hope to continue in this cold harsh world. I hope you could understand how I feel and why I crave for it. I want to feel that my existence here has a purpose. A chance to be human again as I throw away my body armor to the side.

Chapter 9- On the Hilltops

            Pick your battles and which hills you want to die defending. Sometimes when people tell me to lose a battle because it’s not worth it, I think we should fight for what’s right. Fighting for your opinions and beliefs should not be easily forfeited. There needs to be some honor in fighting for what’s right. These are the moments when I face a problem.  If you can’t fight for what represents you, you are nothing and not unique.

            When you are fighting for what’s right, one must be sure you are not cocky or full of confidence. One must remain humble and respectful of other people’s views and opinions. I have friends who always think he knows everything and that he is always right. Every single time when a topic becomes heated, he can be very stubborn, single-minded, and super cocky. He will state that you are wrong and perhaps ask a rhetorical question about your level of intelligence. Sometimes his attitude just makes me sick and tired of it. When you meet that kind of person, you play a different fight strategy. Although fighting for what’s right is my strategy, but removing yourself from the fight is another good strategy as well.

            Sometimes winning a battle is by losing it. As you can see from my example, if every time I am with my friend and he doesn’t respect an honorable and decent fight, simply walk away. Let him feed off his own confidence and watch him fall later. Also, the abuses from his words are not healthy for me. If I ignore and let him be, I still keep my self-esteem and dignity intact. In a way, I did not lose the battle at all.

            What I’ve learned from this is to be respectful towards everyone’s views and ideas. Some may use verbal abuse and others use brute force when they can’t win. I’d just simple walk away if neither parties are respected. Simple, effective, and honorable.

            I’ve never been in a physical fight with people. I strongly believe that verbal communication can solve problems if both sides are understanding. Although actions speak louder than words, safety is always the number one priority. If there’s going to be harm, remove yourself from the danger. You’d keep your dignity and beliefs intact. Since I believe talking it out to solve issues, I have not learned any martial arts. My belief? Learning ways to defend yourself from attackers can make one hardened. One learns violence during martial arts classes. The more shots you can take, the harder you become and less aware of the kind peaceful human nature. There are some people who think they are invincible and change the defensive style into an offensive one. What happened to the peace? These things are merely what the world these days allow us to do.

            Freedom of speech in protesting is alright, but when the rioters come and bring violence. Does anything get solved? Innocent people mistaken for rioters, people getting hurt, and the real message distorted. The right to peaceful assembly is a right that’s been often abused by the violent rioters. In a society that we live in, there will always be violence until we have true understanding and care for each other.