Chapter 48- Taking Higher Grounds

         Some people change and some don’t. What’s important for me is making sure I am who I am. I will make changes if necessary in order to improve myself and how I want people to treat me.

         One day at work, I got called to the big boss’ office to have a meeting. The big boss and a supervisor came to meet me saying that I had failed my probation at the department I was in. The boss who picked on me whom I’ve been talking about in previous chapters didn’t like my performance as well as another coworker who was a mother. Eventually, only two young girls were left in that department and I knew he liked the young girls. The big boss said that previous department that I used to work with wanted to give me a second chance. I was going to move back to my original department and also have my probation extended for an extra month.

            For me, I believe in self improvement and I wanted to know exactly how I had failed. The big boss said that I would have to wait a few hours before he got to work. I waited and finally saw him. He and another supervisor sat down with me to discuss. He said that he did not have to give me the reason why I failed or even tell me. I responded by saying that I wanted to know what I did wrong so that I can improve. Still no answer, but instead he yelled at me for saying that I wanted to improve when it was too late and I didn’t improve when I was working with him. He told me that he had the final say after talking with other supervisors and leads. He also mentioned that it wasn’t personal because if it was, I wouldn’t have stayed in his department that long. Deep down in my mind, I knew it was personal since the very first day he said he was going to be pick on me more because I was a guy. He only wanted girls to work with him and only the young ones. I thanked him for his support while I was in his department and requested a reference. He didn’t want to give me one and simply referred it to my big boss. I shook his hand and walked out feeling upset.

            The big boss was outside and asked me to have a chat. The first thing he said was that I shouldn’t worry about my probation and that I can pass. Next he said that my boss shouldn’t have raised his voice at me because I haven’t done any thing that’s wrong significantly. He leveled down with me and said to look at him now. He was my big boss. H e said that one day I might be a boss or his boss or the boss of the company. I felt inspired and became emotional. This was a good boss, a good man. He is who I envision to be a true leader.

            That night, I was upset yet inspired. I realized one thing; I was going to let this all go. There was no point in holding a grudge against my sexist boss. The actions he had made were unjust and unfair. He was too hardened to feel for others. I’m not going to be mad at him or act differently when I see him. I was going to be a better man and take the higher grounds with my morals and ethics intact.

Chapter 38- Holding the Line

             Every once in a while in a leadership position, there will be an uprising, a rebellion, or a storm before a calm. In order to maintain leadership in a certain group, one will have to face it sooner or later. It is considered to be a test of your skills. If you manage it well, all is well and you are still a respected leader. If you fail, you lose respect from the people and perhaps your leadership role as well.

            Back in my high school when I ran a club, I brought forward the motion of doing a carnival for fundraiser. Till this day, some members considered it as a big fail, while others could see the financial success. Truthfully, not many people attended the carnival, but on the profits side, we generated lots of revenue. Members who felt that it was a fail, organized a small group and pulled the vote for non-confidence card on me. How did I react? I rallied my support and wrote an essay speech to justify that even though it was first school carnival and little people showed up, it was a financial success. We were not in the red, but rather in the green zone. After a few days of explaining while rallying support, the vote for non-confidence was dropped. The following weeks were calm and enjoyable as we built up our norms.

            Another incident was during my gaming group. Since I had not been on for months during my crisis, a member stepped up to the plate and took my roles. However, when I got back, he had made so many changes that the group was an elite community. In my values, everyone should be equal and I had to scrap some of the changes. Since the member had been in leadership for a while, he had amassed a significant amount of support. So when I brought forth new changes, almost everyone was against me. I felt I had lost control of my group, but I did not lose hope. I called on veteran members who I’ve worked with long enough to trust them to assist me. After a month of discussions and negotiations, I was able to obtain my leadership once again whilst bringing new changes to the group to make it better and more fun. Till now, we have established a fun and friendly gaming group where you can socialize and meet new people.

            Those were the storms I encountered during each leadership role I took. Everyone is unsure and strangers at the beginning. Over time, people will say their differences and similarities. This is a clash between the groups. If it is resolved correctly, we all know how each other performs, likes, or dislikes. As a result, we have established understanding for each and everyone’s limits. Peace and normality would follow after the clash if it is done properly.

Chapter 24- A Second Chance

             I believe everyone should have a second chance. We all make mistakes in our lives and need to be forgiven. This chapter will talk about why I believe in second chances and how I gave a stranger a second chance and how we became good friends.

            People generally have good intent, but when something in real life becomes an issue affecting them, it changes who they are. They make rash decisions and become a different person. Usually, when the person has dealt with the issue, they regret some of the choices they made. People who first meet you during your hard times have already based an impression of who you are, but that’s wrong. If you let others know that you have issues to deal with, you should be given a second chance.

            In my gaming group, there was a guy who just joined my group. He would say that another member posted harassing comments on our gaming forum. Later, we asked a gaming moderator to ban the harasser. It turns out that the guy who pointed out the harasser was actually playing two accounts. He got banned for three days and other members were upset because he lied to us. Some members wanted him out of our group. Others wanted him to apologize to everyone in the group by sending out a private message. I had a chat with him, turns out he had some issues in life that was making him be like that. From my experience, I know how hard issues can take a toll on you. I told him next time to talk it out with us and be open to us. Since I was the leader, I told all the members that he was having real life issues and that he was excused. Some called for punishment for his actions, but I replied that he got his punishment already from the ban. It was not necessary to go further, this guy needed a second chance because I saw potential in him and his goodness to admit fault.

            When I look back at that day, I was very glad I made the right choice and gave him a second chance to start over. Put his past behind and looked for his real self. Now, he is a very good friend of mine in my group. Each of us respects each other and trusts one another. I tell him my secrets and issues and he would be there to give me support. One time, he helped me repair a relationship with another person because I told him what I was feeling. I owe him one. I was happy that I gave him a second chance. If I didn’t give him a second chance, he wouldn’t have been in my group. He wouldn’t have been my friend and he wouldn’t have helped me repair a relationship. I’m glad that I met him and have him as a good, trustworthy, and reliable friend.

Chapter 22- Sharing is Healing

             I find that sharing these stories to some friends who I can trust and talk it out with strangers is beneficial for me. Sometimes I consume too many issues that I can’t solve it by lonesome. Perhaps I just wanted a listening ear or words of encouragement to inspire me some hope.

            The first time I shared my personal issues with others was the time at post-secondary with the girl who helped me with my crisis. After that, it was followed by sharing with a counselor. It helped a lot and it made me more open to share my issues with others. From that day on, I felt I needed to let things out. Too much tension was building up inside me. One day, I decided to write what’s on my mind into a memoir. Writing it down is good, but not talking it out to get help was useless. After I met the girl from the gaming group, I felt like she would be one of those people who would care and give support. I was right and I was thankful that I met her. This is why there are so many chapters in this memoir. Inspired by her, I continued on past chapter one and decided to tell my tales.

            I realized that in order to help myself, I have to tell others. So, I began to talk with other friends in my life and friends who are in my gaming community. To my realization, there are people out there who are supportive and caring. Even though I had some tough moments in my life, I still have some people who are there to motivate and inspire me to continue on.

            I encourage others to talk it out; you never know if they are in the same position as you. Perhaps there are tips and advice that you could share. Get new strengths to overcome my weaknesses. Find new people that feel the same and help each other out. United we become and strength in numbers. I can’t be certain, but I feel that the more you share, the less alone you are in this harsh world. Maybe I’m wrong or maybe I’m right. Maybe I was lucky enough after all to get some good supportive friends. I will never know what life puts in my way…

Chapter 17- My Readers

             I am very thankful for you not walking away and continuing to read my stories. Your support in me has been greatly appreciated as I continue on to write more chapters.

            This chapter is dedicated to my readers who’ve shown me that people out there still care. That in this reality, out of the negative, there is a positive. You know who you are. I hope that some of these chapters may be similar in your lives so that you and I know that we are not alone. If none of the chapters relate to you, that’s fine. Perhaps you are living the dream.

            We all have our goals in this life. Some different and some the same. No matter what our goal is, we try to achieve it. Sometimes it is the impossible, but does that mean we should give up? If you are not going to pursue it, you will never know if you will achieve it. My goal is the pursuit of happiness. It’s a direction, but all the little things build up towards the goal of happiness.

            I hope you will share these stories to the world to see. Show your friends, families, or even strangers. Your network will not know who exactly I am, but they will know that I’m a person telling my stories during a tough time in my life. This is the reason why I am still anonymous at this point. I want others to read and relate if possible while not being judgmental of who I am, what I do, and where I come from. In the society we live, there will always be some hate speech, but the intensity of the hate will be lessened since it’s not directed at me due to my anonymity.

            So, share my stories with others. Let us help each other out. If you don’t want to share, I respect your decision. I would like to thank you for keeping up with me till now and I hope that you will continue to read my following chapters. Thank you for your kindness.

Chapter 5- It is My Responsibility

             We all have our own standards, own ethics, and own values. So, what are my standards? I am a true believer in doing what you say you are going to do. Especially when I take on a leadership role, I have a sense of responsibility. When I say I will do something, I will do it. I’m not a person who gives false promises. Either I will tell you I will do it or I will tell you that I can’t do it. I get upset and angry if somebody can’t keep their word. If I say I will do something, no matter how hard the situation is or how busy in life I am, I will do it. I will make arrangements to ensure I have kept my word. Some people find me reliable and others find me too free with my life. I believe the human interaction is important in making good and trustworthy relationships. However, that’s not the case. I have the standards and I abide by it. I’d expect the same as well from the others, but most of the time there are excuses. Either you do it or you don’t. There’s no need for excuses. That’s my policy.

            Flashback to my high school when I was ran my school club. Every day was a fun day with lots of activities and excitement. After I graduated, I passed on the leadership to my friend. His first year with my guidance, he was able to complete most of the planned activities. I can’t tell if it was his school work and life, he became less and less involved. The club became more and more quiet. The second year for his leadership of the club, I did not give any guidance. Furthermore, it was becoming dormant and almost dead. Occasionally, I would still pop back to give support and guidance. One day I pointed out his slacking and he became angry at me. His excuse? Lots of school exams, other clubs, extracurricular activities, girlfriend, etc. On and on with the excuses. He said that I had too much time on my hands. Perhaps he was right. Because obviously being a full time student at post-secondary and having a part time job would be any way easier than his life. Wrong. Since I founded the club, it was my responsibility to oversee its legacy. Hence, I had to manage my time for my duty.

How good of a person are you when they put their trust in you and you give them excuses? Pretty much you would be considered useless. Once again, this is my thoughts about this topic although some may disagree completely. One thing I can say with confidence is when you put your trust and rely on them and they end up not doing it or make up excuses, it truly is a disappointment. Perhaps it’s just me, but I have had a lot of disappointing moments in my life. If you had a legitimate excuse, that’s fine. But when it becomes an occurrence and you either postpone or not do the task thereafter, it’s just like the story of the boy who cried wolf. Trust takes years to build and a minute to lose it.

            There are days I wonder why I get all the disappointments in life from people when all I have was made them happy by being reliable. Where is my share? You’d expect what you give is what you get. Isn’t it that the way it should be? I guess I’ll never know…