Chapter 12- The Alpha

             Everyone has their own leadership qualities and skills. However, some work very well and some not so much. Leading people is all about the human interaction. I’ve seen some great leaders and some really terrible ones.

            Being a leader is not by expressing one’s power and dominance over others. In my opinion, being a leader is the ability to level yourself with others and have understanding for each other. If I took on a leadership role, I prefer to be called by my first name. No boss, mister, president, etc. My name plain and simple. Trust is another factor in determining a good leader. Someone who is reliable and trustworthy will gain the loyalty and respect from the people.

            An example of a good leader would be charging into a battlefield with his men behind him. It shows that he is willing to put his life over others which increase morale and loyalty for the leader. If it was a bad leader, he would send his men out first and then follow behind. His men would think that they are expendable and thus lose morale and loyalty.

            Remember my boss at work who picked on me? He is an example of a horrible leader. Every day I get back from work, I lose respect for him. They say bad leaders bring bad followers, it is indeed true. From what I’ve seen at work, the way he makes fun of a guy of his weight like no big deal, it’s exhibited by other coworkers. I feel sorry for the guy because he is a really nice guy. You can’t judge somebody because of their size; you have to see the person inside for who they are. That’s the way of a good leader. Putting biases and first impressions aside and getting to know each and every person.

            I think every day in our lives, we have seen leadership qualities that work and those that don’t. From my experience, I make sure that whenever I take on a leading position, I do what works well and ensure that I don’t become a hated person. Truth is, there are always going to be bad leaders in our world. That’s reality. Although some may like my leadership, others may not. It’s totally your opinion.

Chapter 11- The Truthful Way

             Many people find me very honest. I am not a good liar either. Why? I believe in telling the truth. Although people say the truth hurts, I find it necessary to be honest. If you something to be done, you have to be direct. Many people don’t like hearing the truth because sometimes the way one puts it can be so blunt.

            From my standpoint, honesty goes a long way. Someone who is reliable and trustworthy is the products of honesty. In my experience in telling people the truth, I would ask them if they wanted to hear a sweeter, but vague truth, or a direct cold truth. For example, if someone asked me if what they are wearing to a graduation dinner is suitable or not. Sweet version? I would say that the suit looks nice, but perhaps a different suit would suit them better. Cold truth? Honestly, I don’t think that suit is a good choice. Everyone is wearing business casual, so it might be a good idea to blend in. However, it is my truthful opinion, so it’s up to you to decide what you want to wear. Either ways, I’ve shown in the example includes me talking honestly. One indirect and the other more direct.

           With the truth, there is a limit one person can take in each day. The good truth is unlimited, but the bad truth is limited. If you have a lot of bad truth to tell a person, you must determine their mood first. Are they open to feedback? Although indirect truth seems easier, but it’s not going to help them or you. The cold truth is the better way as long as you provide constructive feedback. There’s no point in telling them they have a bad attitude if you’re not going to tell them how to fix it. For me, I want to be a good friend and not a person who’s just there to judge and point out problems.

            When telling the truth, I would make sure I have not offended them and state that it is the truth from my perspective as others may have different views. If they are fine with themselves, don’t keep forcing the truth on them. Perhaps you may be right, but never attack their confidence and self-esteem.

            Honesty is the best policy. That phrase is only true if you abide to the boundaries of each person. The truth is only our perception and in order for the truth to be useful, we must give constructive feedback. It’s up to you if you want to give direct truth or indirect truth. Never lash out at their confidence and self-esteem or you will lose their trust and respect. Perhaps you may even lose a friend.

Chapter 10- Self Confidence

             I consider myself confident and optimistic in who I am. Although I may lose my optimism, my confidence still remains at a high. Never before have I had my confidence crushed so low that it makes me upset with my life. Is it just one time? No, it’s like a daily occurrence at work.

            Every time I go to work, I start with 100% confidence. When I go back home, it has become a negative percentage. Negative in a way that I doubt myself. Originally at work, I used to work during the day. After I got transferred to another department to work the nights, we had to get trained again. In our training group, I was the only guy. The manager from this department trained us for two weeks straight. During the training, I was kept being picked on and put on the spot where he would tease me, question me, and make jokes about me. He said that I shouldn’t take it to heart and that the reason I was picked on was that I was a guy.  At first, I told myself that it would be different after training was over, but I was wrong…

            At the beginning of training, I had respect and looked up to him as a role model. I told him I would be with him all the way. As things began to worsen, he would joke saying that if I was still with him all the way. No response. When you abuse someone like that and batter down their confidence, I can tell you that you do not have my respect, trust, and loyalty. One day at work, he made a joke of my appearance. I was offended. Sometimes when he picks on me, I feel like crying. What did I do to deserve this? Because I’m a guy? Usually people would resort to their anger first to deal with the problems. I love my job and the people whom I have to work with are my obstacles in making this job perfect for me.

            The following day after he made fun of my appearance, I went home pretty down on myself. Confidence shattered again. I decided I should tell my story about it and let the world know. I’ve also told the girl who lives on the opposite side of the world that games with me. She said it was harassment and sex discrimination. She said that I should report it. She gave me the strength to put back my confidence together. I decided that I will speak to my union representative when I had enough. Eventually, when you push people to their limits, the boiling water spills out of the pot. There will be the time I took a stand for what’s right once again.

            You want to know what’s sad? The girls in my training class knew I was getting picked on. I told them I felt, but none of them stood up for me. For me, it’s all about standing up for the little guys. Everyone deserves equal treatment and respect. If my manager was being a gentleman by not picking on girls, but instead picking on guys, he is not a gentleman in my books. My view of a gentleman is someone who treats everyone fairly and equally regardless of gender, ethnicity, religion, color, race, and by first impressions.

            It’s weird how society allows us to do things so unjust and unfair. Do we sit back and watch the unkindness happen in front of our eyes? Or do we step in and take a stand for what is right?

Chapter 9- On the Hilltops

            Pick your battles and which hills you want to die defending. Sometimes when people tell me to lose a battle because it’s not worth it, I think we should fight for what’s right. Fighting for your opinions and beliefs should not be easily forfeited. There needs to be some honor in fighting for what’s right. These are the moments when I face a problem.  If you can’t fight for what represents you, you are nothing and not unique.

            When you are fighting for what’s right, one must be sure you are not cocky or full of confidence. One must remain humble and respectful of other people’s views and opinions. I have friends who always think he knows everything and that he is always right. Every single time when a topic becomes heated, he can be very stubborn, single-minded, and super cocky. He will state that you are wrong and perhaps ask a rhetorical question about your level of intelligence. Sometimes his attitude just makes me sick and tired of it. When you meet that kind of person, you play a different fight strategy. Although fighting for what’s right is my strategy, but removing yourself from the fight is another good strategy as well.

            Sometimes winning a battle is by losing it. As you can see from my example, if every time I am with my friend and he doesn’t respect an honorable and decent fight, simply walk away. Let him feed off his own confidence and watch him fall later. Also, the abuses from his words are not healthy for me. If I ignore and let him be, I still keep my self-esteem and dignity intact. In a way, I did not lose the battle at all.

            What I’ve learned from this is to be respectful towards everyone’s views and ideas. Some may use verbal abuse and others use brute force when they can’t win. I’d just simple walk away if neither parties are respected. Simple, effective, and honorable.

            I’ve never been in a physical fight with people. I strongly believe that verbal communication can solve problems if both sides are understanding. Although actions speak louder than words, safety is always the number one priority. If there’s going to be harm, remove yourself from the danger. You’d keep your dignity and beliefs intact. Since I believe talking it out to solve issues, I have not learned any martial arts. My belief? Learning ways to defend yourself from attackers can make one hardened. One learns violence during martial arts classes. The more shots you can take, the harder you become and less aware of the kind peaceful human nature. There are some people who think they are invincible and change the defensive style into an offensive one. What happened to the peace? These things are merely what the world these days allow us to do.

            Freedom of speech in protesting is alright, but when the rioters come and bring violence. Does anything get solved? Innocent people mistaken for rioters, people getting hurt, and the real message distorted. The right to peaceful assembly is a right that’s been often abused by the violent rioters. In a society that we live in, there will always be violence until we have true understanding and care for each other.

Chapter 8- Writer's Block

             I sit down wondering what I should write about this time. I’m at the phase where every writer is blanked out writing their new topic. Since I can’t think about a specific topic, I will just write down some random things on my mind.

            One day heading to work commuting, I saw the kindness in people. There was an old lady who did not speak fluent English that got on a wrong train. One passenger tried to help her, but was not familiar with the train stations. He called out for help and then a man came. He told the lady which stops she should get off and transfer to which stations. The lady asked if he could show her the way. Unfortunately he was heading to work like I was. That moment in time, a woman approached the lady and told her she could ride back with her and show her the way. The lady thanked all of them for their help and the man replied that she reminded him of his mother. I was very touched by the act of kindness by three different strangers.

            There are days I compare my life with others because I want to have a feel what it is like in their shoes. Most of the time, I feel that there must be a way to make my life a little better than before. Avoid my problems or confront them? Or should I search for a new path? I think I’m trying my best to adjust a little part of my life to the pursuit of happiness. There are going to be many obstacles to prevent me from achieving it, but I think I must face it. Swim against the current unlike the others. Be different and autonomous.

             There are things that can’t be bought in life or it’s priceless. I think society thinks that when we marry people, you have to marry someone rich. That’s true if you are going to survive in the world, but would the person really see for who you are? I think that when you are going to begin a relationship, one must be searching for the things that are priceless and not quantitative. This is the ability to establish healthy and long-lasting relationships. I’ve heard about couple who have been together all their life. Reason? It was the love for each other for who they are inside no matter how bad the situation was in real life. They could battle down obstacles together even when splitting up seemed like a better choice. That is something I wish to have for each other in a relationship; the undefined love, care, and loyalty.

Chapter 7- My Beliefs Questioned

            With tears in my eyes, I begin to wonder. If there is a greater being watching over me. The being we call as our god or gods, do they watch over me? It seems like out of the billions of people in the world, who am I worth at all to them to feel their love and their compassion for me? I am a nobody. I’ve been praying every night since grade eleven for the same things, but I never felt like they hear me. Sometimes, I get a little good luck, but the thing I want most importantly does not occur. What do I ask for? To be loved, liked, and respected.

            Sometimes my self esteem is at its lowest. I feel like my prayers were useless. If god saw my life or heard my prayers, he or she could at least give me a hand or the support I need. I see other people getting their love from god, yet I do not. There are days I question whether a greater being exists. Maybe that’s why I never get help or have my prayers answered. Do they exist? Are gods created so that we have a sense of hope, a sense of security, and a sense of something we can commonly believe in?

            I can give you some examples of my bad fortune. When I bought lotto tickets on my birthday for two draws straight, I did not win at all. When the third draw came out and I didn’t buy the ticket with the same numbers, I would have actually won ten dollars. I’m not asking for money to fall out of the sky, but I am simple showing you my bad luck. I look back at the time in secondary school when I asked my friend to help me out with the girl I like since elementary. That incident was most unfortunate and I felt there was a force at play. Another example was when I graduated post-secondary. A few of my classmates had already landed a job within one months of graduation. Some even before graduation. Is it my sheer bad luck?

            Everything happens for a reason. Do you believe that? Or is it one of those statements you hear to reassure yourself? Sometimes I think there is a force watching us. Sometimes I think they don’t exist at all. Perhaps there’s a reason I’m writing this memoir and showing it to the public to see. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see. Hopefully I can get something positive out of this.

            I once heard from somebody, whom I can’t recall, he said a phrase which was quite unique about our own god or gods. If you ask your god for something, does he or she give it to you or are you given an opportunity to get it by yourself? The way it is phrased can even make a non-believer a believer. Everyone has their own opinions and thoughts about their god. After all I have said in this memoir so far, you can imagine how I have doubts and little hope.

            Afterlife, what is it? A place where everyone goes after death? Or two places split between the good and the evil? Or none at all? I used to think a lot of what the afterlife would be. Questioned if my life would be better there than here in this world. During my crisis, I felt like there was nothing left for me in this world. But it was the kindness and care from the girl in my post-secondary that gave me a little faith in this world and that I should continue on and tell my tale.

            I hope that someone in this world would find this memoir useful and share it on with others. If you don’t find it useful or interesting at all, you’d probably wonder why I bother sharing at all. First, it’s better to talk it out and speak my mind. And second, memoirs are bigger than us.

Chapter 6- Looking Beyond Imperfections

             You may have heard about not judging a book by its cover or that there’s more than meets the eye. In fact, it is very true although there may be first impressions. When judging a person, one must be able to look past the differences and see the person who they are inside.

            As you may have noticed thus far with my anonymity, I have not told you my name, color, race, if I had disabilities, or my religion. Why? Stereotypes in our world play a role in first impressions whether you’d like me or not. What can my name generally tell you? Perhaps my ethnicity and my religion. What if I told you my color? Perhaps some opinions whether or not you like me can be formed as a result of my color. What if I had a mental or physical disability? Do I get less respect because of that? We are all humans, the same inside, but different appearances. What about my beliefs in a greater being or none at all? Would you dislike me if I believed in some other god? The point I’m trying to make is that you probably started putting the puzzles together to see who I am because of commons stereotypes and societal values. Everyone should look beyond the imperfections that are formed and truly look at the person inside.

            There are many unique and interesting characteristics in all of us. Once you look past the cover and start to read the person, you’ll see the imperfections perfect. That’s the magical connection you can start building good and healthy relationships.

            If people in the world didn’t judge based on what you hear or see, but take the time to know somebody, everyone would have a great life. It sounds like another one of my utopias that isn’t going to become true. I could only dream so much and do so little.

            So why am I writing about this topic? Remember the girl from post-secondary? I did not have any connections or feelings for her. Slowly over time as I got to know her better with her caring personality, I start to grew fond of her and had feelings as well. I was seeing something so beautiful within; which has changed my views after that moment in time. I grew more understanding and patient for others. A simple analogy would be opening up an oyster. Hard to crack the shell, but soft on the inside. Whether you find and see the pearl is strictly up to you.

            Some days when I go on Facebook, I still glance at the girl from post-secondary. I miss the good old days when we chatted at school and each day she became prettier than before as I got to know her more. I feel like I am so attached and attracted to her. Sad thing is I don’t feel she has had the connection I got from her. I just can’t let go of her. Perhaps I should, perhaps I shouldn’t. But if you are on the pursuit of happiness, what can you do? Chase her? Find another similar girl? Or both? That will be something that I will need to decide for a while.