Day 59

Day 59

Thurs. Nov. 7, 2013

There's really nothing much to report for today other than ENGL100A which was taking a look at 20,000 Leagues Under the Seas. Other than watching a video on Jules Verne as the founding father of science back in the days, class was very interesting.

Another thing that I did today was that I asked a girl out from my English class to hang out sometime and we've decided to meet on Monday evening. I hope all goes well and in case you are wondering, my girlfriend knows about this because I told her. Not sure how this will pan out, but I am not a player if people are going to judge. I guess this is university life.

Am I a bad person? Am I selfish? Am I just lost? Too much outside thinking, back to schoolwork.

Day 58

Day 58

Wed. Nov. 6, 2013

Another day to take in reality. What's the biggest stunner is when I video Skyped my girlfriend and realizing this is it. Stuff happened and I need to deal with it.

ARBUS200 was today and was the usual long three hour day with presentations on marketing. It was very interesting and informative as I sat uncomfortablely in the seat. After that was our group work and some of our group members were missing. I realized that I have work piling up and that my E-Portfolio is due next week. So not user-friendly...it's annoying.

It was a cold and rainy day and it was not good for my mood as I did not prepare an umbrella and I was drenched in rain. Time to get some work done.

Day 57

Day 57

Tues. Nov. 5, 2013

Today was a busy day as I went to see an instructor that had expressed concerns about my situation by reading my blogs. I had to travel to an unknown place and talk about where and what I'm at in terms of my health and emotions. It was nice because it felt that that the instructor gave attention to their students and at a positive impact at my experience here at Waterloo.

After that, I headed for ENGL100A and we had two group presentations on Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. It was a heated discussion for one of them as I actively participated by thinking critically about the points made and connected them to intertextuality.

Next was VCULT100 where we watched an hour of slum dog Millionaire. It was very Hollywood-like and was focused on the point of ghetto films compared to the City of Gods I watched the day before. Nonetheless, it was another interesting class.

The night ended with me making another VLog for my girlfriend to uphold my word that I said I would do despite the circumstances.

Day 56

Day 56

Mon. Nov. 4, 2013

Three days in a row of not doing any school work. Call me silly, but if you can't fix yourself, why bother doing anything else? My girlfriend is out of her second coma and is cleared for home. Unsure if this was a web of lies played by the parents so I ask her to call me later the evening to see how she was. She calls and unfortunately this is the new reality...she doesn't remember anything.

As if this was some sort of sick joke played by the gods onto me, I will have to confront the reality and accept this. One, she doesn't remember you. Two, she doesn't remember any promises. And three, she doesn't love you. What are my options? What can I do?

Either I toss all of it aside and find someone else or pick up the pain and stick with her. How much does she really mean to me? I think somewhere, someone is testing me on where my loyalties and faithfulness lies. I think about this and talk with some people. So say leave while others say stay, but at the end of the day, it's my decision. It will never be the same again with my girlfriend. I guess I'll see if I can reignite that flame inside her before I call it quits.

Day 55

Day 55

Sun. Nov. 3, 2013

Is there any point in writing this anymore? I have gone into a state of insanity. It has been brought to my attention that my girlfriend could not be my girlfriend and that her sister is not who she says she is. What if this was a plan made my the parents to end us once and for all? To say that she has suffered major memory loss and doesn't remember me. Then again, I called my girl up and I heard her voice yesterday...she was clueless. Unless, she got threatened to lie to me because I know she never would.

What if...this is the reality? The truth is that she forgot me? Somewhere along the conversation between her and her sister's texting seemed to be odd. Some have pointed out that there was some level in fishiness. Somethings just dont add up and fit together completely. Before I know it, her sister said my girlfriend went into another coma. I don't know what to believe anymore...this is too much.

I can't handle this reality. I got no work done today and I feel like I'm falling behind in school now. I rather it be a very cruel lie made by her parents than to accept the other alternate reality, but do I really have a choice? Shall I give up before it consumes me or do I keep that promise I made to her before all this chaos happened?

Day 54

Day 54

Sat. Nov. 2, 2013

This was not the best day of my life and I can tell you that for sure. My girlfriend has finally been conscious and talking according to her sister. The bad news is that she suffered major memory loss as a result. The doctor say she might remember, but more tests are needed. One of which was that she has completely no idea who I am. Completely reset as if we never existed.

I didn't get any work done today as I was in a complete mess. No point of focusing at school work if I can't get my head straight. Here I was sitting in the evening with a bottle of painkillers...wondering if God exists. I let myself in the hands of fate as I flipped coins to determine if God is there. Heads for pill and tails for skip. There was a total of ten pills that I was letting God decide. In the end, I got people online to talk me out of it as I substituted the remainder of the pills with candy. Had I not substituted, 6 out of 10 was what I would have taken on high dosage Ibuprofen400mg. I got intercepted when I took my first pill at pill number 4.

Here I am confessing that I have a problem for the world to see. For the world to judge and blame or laugh. It doesn't matter anymore, I don't care if you are going to scold me like a child or laugh how I cowarded out or look at me different.  All I care is about my girlfriend and that she doesn't even remember me. It hurts so much when I say that I love her and she says with a simple okay because she doesn't have the same feeling we had before. Who am I? What is going on? Why is this happening to me?

Day 53

Day 53

Fri. Nov. 1, 2013

It was a bad night's sleep as I could not stop thinking about my girl. There was nothing I could do and all I heard was that she suffered a cardiac arrest and went into a coma. Her sister don't know how long it will be before she wakes up. God help her.

It's Stratford today and I try to hide my emotions as much as I can. I can't stop worrying about her. If you ask me, I don't really recall much in class today other than the fact that GBDA103 was getting our group work done. Our team had lost motivation in getting the work done.

For GBDA101, we looked at Adobe Flash and After Effects. Another two programs that I don't have which I need for a group assignment.

Later the night, I heard the my girlfriend has got into surgery. Gosh, I feel so useless and sad.